Looking back, looking forward

I was stumbling through some old files and found this blurb I wrote in 2001:

The limiting beliefs I have carried with me about running are being shattered right before my eyes and it is like walking into a whole new world of possibilities. It makes me giddy. With other things too, like writing, I can see that for years I have been telling myself that 'I can't'. That I’m scared I won’t be good enough. What is that but a self-fulfilling prophecy? I need to believe first, and I am getting better at this all the time because running is showing me how. I am growing more confident every day that in the fall I will run a marathon. This has been a vague goal of mine for almost 5 years now and I am beginning to let myself believe it and wrap my head around it. The idea of completing a marathon is so powerful and exciting for me.

It’s incredible to look back on that; I barely recognize that person. Recently I compiled a list of races, and I've run 66 (not including 7 DNFs), including seven marathons (6 road, 1 trail) and 13 ultras and multi-day events. The person I was in 2001 didn't even find those distances fathomable, and now most of the time I take it for granted. I remember how empowering it was when I realized I could step outside my door and run for hours and hours. For me it was honestly - and I'm not exaggerating - like being granted a superpower.

It's good to read those words I wrote and to pause and reflect on past hurdles that I worked hard to overcome. It helps me re-assess my goals going forward. Life is so incredibly, preciously finite, and I'm excited about my training and racing in the coming years to collect more memorable experiences to look back on. There's never any better time than now.

Other interesting tidbits from my race list:
- Most frequent race type - 5K road (15)
- I've done more 3-day fastpacks (2) than 10k road races (1)
- Ironically, second most frequent race - 10k on snowshoes (12)
- DNF Reasons - 2 injury, 1 heat, 1 sick, 1 lost, 1 burnt-out, 1 course conditions
- Number of DNFs that took more than a few hours to get over: 1
- Year with the most races: 2006 (14)
- Month with the most races: Julys (11)
- Number of races I was thrilled with at the time: 8
- Number of races I'm thrilled with now: 8 (5 of 8 from above, and 3 others)
- Biggest disappointment: Not finishing our full Rideau Trail fastpack
- Most painful race: Haliburton 50 Miler
- Coldest PB: 5K at -35C windchill
- Fav race course - Escarpment Trail

First Trail race, 2003

October Update

October is winding down, and I have one more trail race to look forward to in a few weeks before snowshoe racing season begins. Training is really starting to click now, and I'm enjoying it more than I have in many years. I am healthy after feeling generally 'off' this summer, and it is such a good feeling to be back in a groove. That classic quote by George Sheehan, 'the more I run, the more I want to run' holds true as always.

While attending a conference in Montreal earlier this week, I had the chance to run at Mt Royal Park a couple of times. Lucky me, my hotel was three blocks from one of the park entrances. The mountain is actually a big hill, but it's enough of a hill to get a good sustained uphill-yet-runnable workout in.

Congrats to everyone who raced at the Sydenham Fall Trail race this year. It was a bit of a soggy day which slowed things down out there, but I think everyone had fun anyway, and the races were very impressive.  

Happy birthday to my Dad, who turns 70 years young today.

My parents

Run for the Toad 50K: Back to Basics

For many years I've wanted to Run for the Toad, and I finally got my chance last weekend. Derrick was setting up a booth at their expo this year, so I thought I would go up to Cambridge too and run the 50K. It was a very fun race, I had a blast. My running the last few months hasn't gone very well due to some fueling issues disrupting both my racing and training, and then poor pacing at Haliburton which further shook my confidence. So I needed to get back to basics and get this 50k under my belt with nothing going wrong. I know, no pressure! Actually, there was no pressure, as I put zero, zip, nadda competitive pressure on myself. This was my run, just for me, and I was determined to enjoy it and get my confidence back. 

And that's what happened. I was really happy to feel good pretty much the whole way. (I mean 'good' in a running-50k, all-relative kind of way of course.) I most definitely did not go out too hard, in fact not even letting myself breathe hard until 25k (2nd loop of 4) was past. This wasn't tough to do because my legs felt really sluggish anyway. Going into the third loop I spent a bit longer at my drop bag, grabbed my iPod and a bunch more gels, and regrouped for a few helpful minutes. I loved the third loop, my legs woke up a bit, and the trails were practically deserted with the 25k race now over. At around 33 km I started feeling the best of the race, and the knowledge that I was going to finish was a big relief. The fourth loop got tougher again as my legs were back to being sluggish, this time from fatigue, but knowing it was the last loop helped. 

Structurally I felt really good, my feet were exceptional with zero hot spots or blisters which shocked me (I know now that DryMax socks really do work), and interestingly after my fueling nightmares this summer, fueling for this race was the best it's ever been (30 minutes for gels, 1 hour S-caps, with a few additional ones of each thrown in when I felt the need). My stomach felt rock solid all day. My UltrAspire waist belt with larger bottle was perfect, I was running out right at the end of each loop.

I loved the course, it was sectioned up with a ton of variety, and it was nice having the K's marked. I prefer more technical trails, but it was a good thing for me to have to run a steady pace the whole way, especially since it was quite hilly. I can see that's been lacking in my training this year.

The entire race was so well organized by Peggy and George Sarson - a wonderful couple who work so hard to create this special Toad experience for everyone - and their incredible team of volunteers. A very special event to be a part of. 

Proof I was having fun! (photo by Derrick)

Haliburton 26K

My race plan for the Haliburton 26k last weekend was to go out a bit aggressively and see how long I could hold on. That didn't work as well as I had hoped! It was a good reminder to race smarter than that in the future. I was in third position among the women for maybe an hour, and then I started getting passed a ton as I slowed down a lot. The day-long rain left the trails very muddy, and the hills felt a lot longer and more difficult in those conditions. I was also delusional in only wearing a singlet and getting chilled, and I only brought two gels and no water with me even though it was obviously going to take a lot longer (my time was 3:42) to run the course in the conditions. When you don't race for awhile you can make lots of rookie mistakes!

Anyway, I got through it, muddy, cold, hungry, humbled, and hopefully a bit wiser for next time.

Muddy! Derrick's left, mine right.

At 2k, entering the muddy trails from here to turnaround.

Where's the finish?

Race photos by René Garneau

Balance

I turn off my headlamp and stumble, hands-on-knees, away from the trail and lie down in a ball. I don’t care about the wet ground or the leaves smeared against my face, and I certainly don’t care about my race anymore. I am vaguely concerned that someone will shine their own beam on me and come over to help. The only help I want is to lie here until the fire inside my gut settles down. I comfort myself with a resolute, this time I really mean it: Never Again.

I know I don’t really mean never. But for now anyway, I’m sticking to shorter races. I went into this race, the Dirty Girls 12 hour, with my stomach already bothering me for several weeks, and adding a few hours of sugar fueling did me in. Later I felt embarrassed that I didn’t even last until midnight (the race started at 8pm), but that was overridden by the reality that obviously there was more going on with me than a bad race. The irony is that I’d have lasted longer if I hadn't fueled at all.

Since then I've started eating more protein (tempeh is my new staple) to put carbs in a better balance, cut way back on the loads of fruit I was consuming, and eliminated practically all other sugar (bye bye Snickers). The difference in just a couple of days was phenomenal, with the bloating, abdominal pain and lethargy gone. 

As far as running, I still need to figure out how much gel I can handle versus other foods, and what the best approach is for me. If the rest of my diet is in good balance, then I can definitely get away with more of the quick, easy fuel in races, but based on past experiences I still think I will do better with less sugar. Obviously I don't need to get all of this figured out to perfection (who ever does?) but somewhere more effective than 'lying beside the trail' is definitely required.

In the meantime, I’m looking forward to heading up to Haliburton in a couple of days. I had hoped to try to improve my time in the 50 miler, but that will have to wait. I’m going to run the 26k, and am really excited about it. I’ve also signed up for Run for the Toad 25k later in the month. There may even be room for one more race between these (maybe Whiteface?). Then who knows after that.

View from beautiful little Mt. Jo, NY. I had the summit all to myself on our recent camping trip.

Ultra Timeline

Remembering Willy

I don’t often stray too far from running-related things on my blog, but our dogs and running go hand-in-hand in my mind. Probably because they are such joyful runners. On Sunday we said goodbye to our friend Willy. We’ll miss his big, goofy, friendly, cuddly and talkative self, and will smile when remembering his many lovable qualities. He was quite a character, who loved being around his ladies and his buddy Cody. Before having to retire early from Duane’s racing team due to a stubborn leg infection (which eventually healed after many years), he was able to enjoy being part of teams in some big, exciting races. Duane also took him to outings like school talks and interviews; he could always count on him to be the most laid back and charming. Later, we were lucky to have him as part of our recreational team. Nobody worked harder than Willy in wheel; sometimes it seemed like he pulled the sled all on his own.

Every dog has their own unique personality, and Willy’s was definitely quirky at times. We didn’t always think he was the sharpest beak in the birdcage, but then he’d go and do something spectacular like perform an intricate archaeological dig on our property, neatly laying out the treasures he found on top of his house. He never put a rock or stick up there, it had to be a worthy artifact. Yesterday I placed in Willy's tree a neat old iron fitting he had dug up from some long-buried farm equipment. An odd memorial, but it felt right.

Willy's was a good life. Fourteen is pretty old for a big guy like him, and right up until his last day he was his smiling, carefree self. We'll miss you, Wilfred.