Less like a Math Test, More like a Painting

Derrick and I were snowshoe running on some new trails last night. There is something about how the pre-dusk February sun reflects on the pine trees and snow-covered land that gives it a magical quality. It is hard to describe, but the pale colours of the sky and snow meet the richness of the green in between and I am left in awe of the radiant beauty of nature around me. The base of snow is well over knee-deep now, but the trails are packed down by our snowshoes and I found myself feeling grateful for the ten-thousandth time for them allowing us access into the silent woods of winter.

Then, part way through the run my thoughts shifted to feeling the need to train more. I started to feel stress in my body, with the impulse to write up an ambitious plan and muster up the will to follow it as a top priority. To harness every one of my allotted type A brain cells because I'll need every one of them to keep me on track. In the past I have been able to motivate myself to train hard to try to meet particular goals, mostly out of insistence on following a plan like this. When I've succeeded it has been extremely satisfying and I've found out important things about myself in the process that will always be a part of me.

I call it the Math Test approach. It's a logical plan fueled in part by fear. I would be super motivated to work hard because I wanted to "pass", and was starting a long way from where I needed to be. Add to it a powerful underlying need to prove worthiness to myself and it's a recipe that has a serious punch of power if you buy into it. But now that I have learned from this approach (most importantly how untrue the worthiness thing is), I don't feel it is going to work again.

When I started feeling that stress yesterday I already knew that well was dry, so I shut it down right there. I reminded myself that for coming off of a long downtime I'm in a good place and there's nothing to stress about. (Really, why would I stress about my stress-reliever??) I re-focused on the beauty of the snowy woods around me, and felt the stress melt away. I definitely still have goals, but the process of reaching them needs to be a larger part of the enjoyment. Not just satisfying mentally, but day-in/day-out enjoyable physically, emotionally and spiritually.

The metaphor I'll use this time is that of a Painting - I have an idea of what I'm after, but I'm going to be open to letting the final picture evolve in a way that is a lot messier, organic, and fun. Like I did yesterday, I'm going to aim to stay in the moment and let it flow.

I would never say one approach is better or worse, it's just about finding what feels right and being able to adapt. When and if I try a 100 miler, it may very well feel like cramming for a math test again, or maybe I'll find some kind of good balance between the two approaches. There really is good in both of them, and it's not like I haven't enjoyed training before, that's obviously not true at all. It's just that I want a larger proportion of my runs to be from a place of truly loving being out there, not just being a slave to my training plan.

Becoming unstuck in the world

There was once a man who became unstuck in the world.

He took the wind for a map.

He took the sky for a clock and he set off with no destination.

He was never lost.

from Castles in the Sky, a movie not about snowshoe running

First Race Back

I am very happy to have been able to run the Frozen Ass Snowshoe Race yesterday. I was pretty nervous in the morning, not knowing how it was going to feel to try to run at a quicker-than-training pace when I've not done more than a couple of tempo runs. Turns out it was fine, I was able to run at what I felt was a good solid effort. A great way to start back. My left leg was a little stiff and sore right after, but it calmed down throughout the day and as of today feels really good. That's a really encouraging sign.

The course at Batawa was great. It went out for a couple of kilometres at a steady grade up, and the snow was very deep from the storm this week and getting more snow overnight. The new snow made the trees very pretty. We then climbed a huge hill, down the other side, and then turned around and went back the same way. So after that killer second climb (that just about did kill me), it was an easier return, especially with the trail being packed down more. That easier last section really helped me, I think I'd have been sunk otherwise.

It should be an interesting battle for the female series title, as Angela won the race yesterday after finishing third at Frontenac. As of now Angela has 1 and 3 pts, Shauna has 1 pt and Eliza has 2 pts. Lowest score of two best races wins. (Derrick, bring the abacus!)

Time to Freeze the Ass!

I've decided I don't want to live in fear of my blog being haunted, ha.

I'm so excited to be entered into a snowshoe race tomorrow, the Frozen Ass Snowshoe Race in Trenton, put on by Tri and Run Sports. It's been so long coming back to this point, and I can't wait to be in a race atmosphere again. I've been very nervous all week, but now on the day before I'm just purely excited.

My goals are: to have fun during the race, finish the race, and have fun after the race (including being happy with whatever effort I was able to run at and whatever place that puts me in). In other words, go easy on the expectations for the first one back. I want to race a ton this year, and a 7-8km snowshoe race feels like the perfect one to start with. It should be pretty low key, with a fun group of runners from the Trenton area out to enjoy the trails. The race is part of Derrick's Dion Series, so hopefully some people will travel in from other areas to take part too.

I can't think of a better name for a snowshoe race than the Frozen Ass. Anyone who has run on snowshoes through powder while only wearing one layer of tights knows exactly what that feels like.



Derrick giving me a bear hug after my last snowshoe race. Hoping to earn another one tomorrow, because after so long away this one will feel just as sweet to finish.

No Blue Monday Here

I had a fun weekend helping out Derrick with the Dion Frontenac Park Snowshoe Race. On Saturday it snowed all day, and in the afternoon we went up to the park to stomp down and flag the course. There was a section that we changed our minds about after it was all flagged, so Derrick raced against nightfall to unflag it and reset an alternative section. Besides not bringing headlamps, we didn't bring any water or food either, so in our hurry to get home we didn't bother changing out of our wet clothes. The heater going full blast delayed the chill setting in, but it was good to get home and get ourselves looked after! All in a day's fun; what weirdos we must be.


Race morning was a blur of last-minute frenzied activity, then it was time for Jack, Brennan and I to head off to our places on the course. Those two had the important job of marshalling the most critical intersections of the course, and I was setting up an aid station at the half way point. It was a perfect day, and we were glad to have snowshoes to make the going a little easier. I found a little patch of sunlight by Big Salmon Lake and stomped out a square in the deep snow beside the snowshoe track. I had fun setting up cups in the snow - water on one side, Gu Brew on the other - and then in no time the racers started running by.


It was so fun seeing everyone, and as usual it was very inspiring. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, despite the soft snow which made the going very tough. I love the park so much, so I enjoyed seeing other people appreciate it. It was very pretty in the new snow - everything was so pristine. Right after they left my spot, the runners had the biggest hill of the race to negotiate. I tried to tell people to 'Recover Up the Hill', which is something I always tell myself to do in a race. It doesn't make any sense, but if you believe it hard enough, it actually works.


Once everyone was through, Taylor came by on his cool down lap, picking up flags. We ran for a bit together (me setting the pace, which was Taylor's walking speed, or maybe not quite even!) and then I suggested he go at his own pace to not miss the awards. He ended up removing most of the flags - thank you!


I heard on the radio that today is Blue Monday, the official 'most depressing day of the year'. (Who comes up with these things?) No Blue Monday for me, I haven't felt so happy in weeks and weeks. I desperately needed a good dose of fresh air, being in the woods, and exercise. And of course, when you need it the most is when you least feel like doing it, so it worked out well that the race was this weekend.

Day by day

On Dec 3 I wrote on my blog that I was just over a nasty cold, but since I usually get one in December, it was at least nice to have it out of the way.

I also wrote that I plan to race sometime in January, before my 30's were over.

On Dec 23 I wrote that I was going to run a million miles over the holidays.

On Dec 24 I got a wicked cold, then bronchitis, injured my rib muscles (or something) from coughing, and practically poisoned myself from too many cough remedies. I ran maybe two miles over the holidays, am still recovering from the ribs, won't be racing in January, and never want to see Buckley's again.


I know, things could be a lot worse. I'm just thinking that maybe it's a bad idea to write what I'm "going to do".






Siku showing off her snose. You can tell just by looking that she is a much smarter person than I am.

Book Review: Eating Animals

Books about industrialized factory farms make me sad, ashamed, angry. Horrified. Eating Animals by Jonathan Safran Foer made me all of those things, but it also made me laugh, entertained me, and in the end it gave me a number of reasons to hope that things will change.

The book is generating a big buzz, and I strongly recommend it. If you eat meat, love eating meat, and want to continue eating meat, I'd especially recommend it because it is stuff you particularly should know, both for yourself and the world. (If I’ve lost you already and you read no further, it all boils down to what we all are re-awakening to: support your local farmers.)

What Foer does so effectively is bridge the gap between meat eater and veg-head by showing the full impact of industrial-scale farming. He goes beyond animal welfare to our own health and the health of the planet. The effects of this scale of farming are of equal importance regardless of your dietary choices. He discusses, among other things: the origin of avian and swine flu from factory farms; how the meat is from stressed, sick, medicated animals (it is less profitable to raise healthy animals); the shockingly unsustainable levels of pollution (just one company, leading U.S. pork producer Smithfield, produces the same waste every day as does all of New York and California’s populations – and of course it isn't treated); and greenhouse gas producing emissions (animal agriculture makes a 40% greater contribution to global warming than all transportation in the world combined).

So, even if you don’t give a pig’s curly tail about animal welfare, there is much else to be concerned about.

Eating Animals is a provocative title. It plainly expresses the truth underlying what we prefer to state as “eating meat”. The animal part, the part that was once alive and could look us in the eyes, we might not think of at all, or we might take comfort in assuming the animal had a good life, a happy, comfortable life, and a swift end. That's what farms used to provide, up until very recently. They still exist, of course, but in such diminishing numbers that in the United States, according to Foer, 99% of meat eaten is now industrially farmed. (I don’t know the corresponding stat for Canada, but suspect and hope it is lower.) Increasingly we know that the image we have in our heads of an idyllic farm is a far cry from the reality that the majority of farm animals now live. As Foer puts it, "We know that if someone offers to show us a film on how our meat is produced, it will be a horror film."

Farms like we imagine them to be - which are ethical, sustainable, and proud of the quality of life they provide to their animals - would welcome you seeing their facilities and animals. I live in a region with a lot of small farms like this and I hope it stays that way. In contrast, the majority of meat comes from ridiculously high-volume facilities that are locked up like Fort Knox because they don't want you to see the show, and that's telling.

Until I was about twelve, I lived on our family farm, and our animals had a good life. I talked to them, scratched their heads, gave them names. And then we ate a lot of them. I hid when it was time to kill the chickens. My chickens, as I thought of them. I couldn't face it then, and I can't face it now. But at the same time - and this is important to me - I greatly respect my father for having the courage to do the dirty work of killing, motivated by love for us, to get them on our plates. He tells me now how awful he found it, how he dreaded it for days leading up to it. I realized on some level very early on that to match his integrity, for me it would have to be in the opposite way - by not eating what I couldn't face.

Even so, it took me years to go from occasional meat eater who didn't want to refuse anyone's dinner offerings, to vegetarian. Then, of course, because nothing is ever that simple, about five seconds later I realized that all the reasons I didn't want to eat meat applied just as much to non-meat animal products like eggs and dairy. These choices I make, my votes in how to live my life, feel right to me, and are an ongoing journey. I face my own inconsistencies when I eat cheese, when I feed our pets, or when I smuck a bunny into oblivion on my way to pick up a veggie pizza.

I'm not even entirely comfortable with the labels of vegetarian or vegan, because to me they are trumped by the fact that I will always remain an omnivore. More to the point, many veggies, in their passion, have done a disservice by painting it as an all-or-nothing proposition. (Case in point: Foer’s runaway bestseller is likely to create more change than any other single person is possible to accomplish, yet I’ve read reviews that blast him for not being vegan. Boot to the head!) Foer contrasts this with people’s actions towards other eco-friendly initiatives. No one is an all-or-nothing environmentalist; we just try to do our part and our best to improve. In any movement, ten people who change by half are far more impactful than one who is pure and perfect.

Meat eater and vegetarian respecting each other's choices, like my Dad and I do, is the necessary bedrock of the solution that this book offers. If all farms were like we all want them to be and used to be, then the story would end there. If you can look a pig in the eye and then enjoy it on your plate, I have nothing to say to that. But if you assume the pig had a certain kind of life in making that transaction palatable, then you are likely being horribly misled. Killing animals for food isn’t pretty, but most people accept it when it is done in a certain way. But are these factories - where suffering is offered in place of a healthy life, and so many unsustainable and damaging costs arise from the “cheap” meat they produce - acceptable?

One of the first things you find out when you stop eating meat is that many people will give you "advice". For the piles I’ve received, I feel justified in offering some back: Find out more about where your food comes from, and based on what you find, support what feels right to you. This book goes a long way to providing the motivation to do that.